The Middle Chapters

Wednesday's ultrasounds (yes there ended up being 2) went well. The creature inside actually looks like a baby. My last visit with my RE was focused around an ultrasound and luckily a prescription for vicodin (I tweaked my back on Sunday and was told I can't take anything that might actually help short of narcotics.) I'm measuring ahead by a few days and got a new, slightly earlier due date - 11/8/07. Baby measures 5 cms and has a heartbeat of 176. The unofficial nucal translucency measurement was 1.4 - which is good news.

My afternoon first visit to my OB was followed by an ultrasound and blood work to get the information necessary for my first trimester screen. Apparently, the office is doing these rather than the integrated screen I had with Bacon. I'm not sure about all the differences, but I do get information earlier with the change. The second ultrasound wasn't quite as exciting except that it did confirm the NT measurement.

While I was convinced that I was carrying a boy, as soon as I saw the pictures that looked like a baby I changed my mind. I think this is just because the only baby looking thing I've produced is Bacon and she is a girl. I can't wait to find out what's inside.

I can't figure out what I did to my back. But its been difficult to walk or really do anything other than lie down all week. It is getting better. I remember having some back pain when I was pregnant with Bacon which I chalked up to things shifting. I think this might have something to do with that. Part of the continued pain now seems to be strange posture. I'm trying not to walk and hold my back funny, but I'm still working on it (and trying not to take the drugs which aren't really helping things now anyway.)

It's wonderful to feel as confident as I do about this pregnancy. But, being one who has to worry about something, I'm totally petrified about what to do with 2 children when I have them. Almost every post last year was about how bad things were without sleep. I so don't want to go there again. It seems very unlikely that the 2 would be on remotely similar napping schedules - so no naps to make up sleep - argggh. I'm trying to figure out who I can bribe in my family to come and help out.

Enough of that - I'm really trying to "live in the now" and enjoy where we are.

We seem to have gotten through it - an important baby/momma milestone - the stomach flu or more commonly known as being thrown up on a lot. I was really worried about this. Could I handle the whole throw up thing? Bedding covered; baby covered; and if especially unlucky; mamma covered. I was also worried about poopy diapers and am still worried about the first poopy bathtub. But, as with the poopy diapers, it wasn't that bad. Not that it was good, but there was a sick baby to deal with. So, you just handle the mess (where ever it has landed) and move on. (I'm still working hard to avoid the poopy bathtub.)

We seem to have gotten through things. Breakfast went well and Bacon is still down for her morning nap. I'm so glad we're at the weekend so D can help out. We've been up at 4:30 the last 2 mornings to nurse, but she's been sleeping over 13 hours other than that. I appreciate the additional hour in the morning, but am looking forward to going back to sleeping through the night.

Strangely, last night was the first time in several weeks that I didn't wake up at least twice with a full bladder. Of course symptoms going away is a bit anxiety causing, but at almost 11 weeks, I think its the right time for it. I have an ultrasound with my RE and my first OB appointment on Wednesday. I'm thrilled to almost be through the first trimester.

Its a wonderful thing - when as soon as you can see something on the ultrasound it includes a heartbeat. I didn't jinx things - all is well with the little one. Growing according to schedule with a strong heartbeat (183) and a "nice" placenta. Mid-way through the ultrasound I exhaled the breathe that I didn't know I'd been holding.

Bacon is my only pregnancy that got this far. Although the RE wants to see me again in 2 weeks, I feel strangely confident that 1st trimester miscarriage danger (for me) is gone.

It's actually been a relatively anxiety-free pregnancy so far - aside from the spotting that is. When it started at just over 4 weeks and was so strong, I just assumed that we were done. Since then, I've had some every week. And while my heart jumps into my throat each time, I'm trying to let it go.

Bacon is keeping me from thinking about the pregnancy every second. While I want this one with all my heart, I'm just so blessed already.

Thanks for the finger crossing - mine are crossed for you!

Tomorrow is "u" day - ultrasound day of course. I made it through last week - the week of no ultrasound pretty well. My symptoms still rise and fall. There are few really - I have lower energy than normal (although I'm pretty low energy to start with) and I have afternoon morning sickness if I don't eat steadily. If I take it easy and eat, I feel pretty normal.

I got a lot of bloody noses late in the pregnancy with Bacon and got my first one in a while last night. I get bloody noses now and then, so this doesn't feel like a symptom I can count.

I'm excited and scared for tomorrow's ultrasound. I swear with Bacon, from the very start, I felt a heaviness in my lower abdomen that was a sign of pregnancy. I had it with the four before Bacon too. I've never had it with this one. I tell myself that it's because things are more roomy than they used to be, but really have no idea.

I do expect (and hope for) good news tomorrow. I think this is a boy and I think we get to keep him. If we've actually gotten through tomorrow, it will be over 9 weeks. If things are good at this point, I think we're past 1st trimester miscarriage risk for me. Then I just have to get through the likelihood of early contractions in the 3rd trimester. But, that I can do.

Cross your fingers for me.

At my ultrasound last week, I told the doctor that I'd go 2 weeks before another one. He offered that I could get one earlier if I wanted and could just call. I have been so close to calling. I've had more spotting. My symptoms change given the time of day - well they just change. It all makes me nervous and worried, but for some reason I want to wait until next week for another ultrasound. There's really no reason that I need to wait. But it feels like a challenge that I want to success at. Going in for an ultrasound upsets the balance of my life. If its non-work time, I have to bring Bacon which I HATE to do. I'm going to an infertility office. I remember how yucky it felt to watch a child while you're sitting in the waiting room having just had bad news or waiting the get it. I don't want to do that to anyone else. I'm working so few hours now that to go during work cuts them down to close to zero. My appointment next week is during work, so if I work hard until then, I won't miss the hours so much.

It's funny how this possible baby puts a lot of things into perspective. I was trying to figure out what to do about work. While I love the part time hours, the lack of responsibility, and the lack of billable requirements. I miss being the one to make the decisions. Not surprising, I don't agree with things that the new person in charge is deciding. (We have very different work styles.) My group's work load was light, so I was getting the dog work for a while. We're now back to crazy busy, so I'm getting better projects. And when I get assigned what I think are useless projects when there is important stuff that needs to get done, I'm saying so. Before this pregnancy I spoke with my boss about me having to decide what I want to do. He said that I just need to tell them what I want. Whether its to take over this group again, or move to a new area. But, the bottom line is if we have this baby, I'm a while (at least a year, maybe two) from wanting to go back full time.

D was trying to figure out what to do about work. He's not happy where he is, but any move likely means a pay cut. That freaked me out. But now, not so much. It would be wonderful if he didn't work in the distant suburbs. It would be great if he felt challenged and that he had a future where he was.

D wrecked his car. It was scary. He was perfectly fine. No one else was involved. It is going to be very expensive to get fixed. I hate that car. I've hated it for years. Its crazy expensive to fix when it breaks down and has been in way too many accidents since he got it 4 years ago. (This accident had little to do with the car.) But, D's thinking that once its fixed, he'll sell it and get another car. Yeah - the end of the lemon car! Hopefully less wrecks and repair bills.

Life is just going on. I hope we get to keep this baby.