The Middle Chapters

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks on bedrest. My next check is Friday. Wonderful nanny is on vacation Thursday and Friday, so D is staying home with me and Bacon for those days. D has accepted a job offer (the offer is pending hearing back from 2 of his references) making a bit less, but a much shorter commute.

The weather is beautiful - sunny and 70s/low 80s. And I'm lying in bed. Our great next door neighbors made us dinner on Sunday. (They rock!) My mom, sister and MIL may all come for visits in the next 2 months. And I'm bored. Other than a headache (how can I possibly have one on so much ibuprofen?) and some dizziness that according to my OB is totally unrelated to the pregnancy, I feel pretty good.

The contractions are way down since Sunday morning. (Saturday and Sunday morning they were up to 10 an hour.) I'm down to several a day and those don't even hurt. Maybe this means good news on Friday.

I love Etsy (http://www.etsy.com/) because I love handmade things, but have little to no skill actually making things. I just ordered some new burp cloths and a blanket that look amazing and the prices are oh so reasonable.

#2's room is still the spare room that has collected spare furniture and the stuff that Bacon has outgrown. But, I wish #2's room looked more like a baby room (without actually having to do any work to make it so.) We were so fortunate to receive most of the things we needed for Bacon from friends whose children had outgrown them. Now with some overlap, we may actually have to purchase some things for #2. The time down gives me planning time, but no opportunity to do anything (other than buy on-line).

Week 26 starts tomorrow and I've already started buying things for #2. I don't feel the jinx factor like I did with Bacon. I don't know why, but it really is a wonderful thing.

Down = bedrest. For the Count = forseeable future; possible until 36 weeks. Cervix was measured at 2.5 cm compared to 2.7 cm last week. The radiologist and OB say that this is essentially no change. But, according to the OB, a sign that things aren't improving or getting worse. It still made me cry. Baby boy was breech as opposed to last week when he was head down. This certainly defeats my theory that the baby's head was pushing on things making it worse.

This means weeks of seeing Bacon for short stints, paying to have the nanny watch her when she can, earning little to no money, figuring out what to do with Bacon when nanny returns to her pre-school gig in September, all while I just lay here and try not to contract or let my cervix shorten.

The good news is that the OB says that if things go south, it won't happen quickly. That statement gives me tons of peace of mind. We're at 25 weeks today, so three more super critical weeks, then other (I'm not counting them, la, la, la, you can't make me) weeks to get us to 36.

How did I block this out from my pregnancy with Bacon? It seemed so reasonable to expect this as a possibility before I got pregnant and even during the first trimester. But, somehow, in the past several weeks, I totally stopped thinking of this. One good reason was that the contractions just haven't been as bad as they were with Bacon. But, my sister was on bedrest for 2 and drugs to stop contractions for all 3 of her children. She made it to at least 28 weeks before starting, but still.

I have this big theory, that I've mentioned briefly before, that my miscarriages and this whole bedrest thing are all due to an "irritable" uterus. My guess is that my sister has it too; just not as bad. I think its strange that absolutely no doctor has ever suggested this to me, but it just makes too much sense.

As of today, I've got a near perfect set up in the bedroom: (1) laptop with wireless internet; (2) TV and DVD player; and (3) lots of books on order from the library. I told work today and hopefully, they'll let me keep the projects that I can do remotely. Since this is almost everything I have, I'm hoping it will work. Our group is just slow now, so nothing is pressing. But a bit of work every day helps keep me sane and provides with some income to offset the extra nanny costs.

Well, I'm half way through my week of bedrest. I've spent a lot of time googling short cervix and bedrest and preterm birth and other related topics. Generally it seems like a short cervix is not a good indicator for delivering at term, but nothing is impending until you're down to 1.5 cm or lower. I tried to stick to recent medical journal articles and studies. A lot of it seems contradictory. There seems to be nothing to support bedrest in helping delay delivery. I read one article that actually suggested that hospital bedrest may be a causative factor for preterm delivery by itself. The best indicator of preterm delivery seems to be transvaginal ultrasound cervix measurements and fetal fibronectin (I may have the spelling wrong on that). If your cervix is very short (< 1.5 cm) and you have a positive fFn, the odds show that you're likely to deliver in the next 3 weeks.

Well, at least the research has kept me somewhat busy. Bedrest has been - not so bad so far. I'm just generally low grade worrying, with some random peaks of doom. Since its the weekend, D is home, so I can go downstairs and visit him and Bacon or they periodically come up and visit me. I'm still contracting, but its generally 0-6 times an hour - even with the mega doses of ibuprofen. Last night was good, but the night before - not so good. I woke up (if you could call it that) thinking I should call the doctor and thinking how bad things were. Things got better. I keep waiting for the ibuprofen to stop all my contractions and its just not happening. I keep thinking that this isn't nearly as bad as the preterm contractions were with Bacon, but then again, my cervix always stayed nice and long when I was pregnant with her.

It comes down to not wanting to complain too much if its nothing but not wanting to miss anything if its something. For all the times that I was checked with Bacon and the several runs to the hospital for shots to help slow the contractions, I just don't know what's acceptable or serious. Prior to the short cervix measurement, I had convinced myself that the contractions were no big deal and just something I had to live with. I thought I was really playing it safe by not walking if I could avoid it and really laying super low. That hasn't seemed to have worked.

I don't want to cry wolf, but I don't know if I'd recognize a wolf if I saw one right now.

I've been put on bedrest for the next week because of a shortened cervix - 2.7 cm. A week of rest and lots of ibuprofen will be followed by another check and hopefully I'll be back on my feet. Our little buddy looks great - 1 lb. 8 oz; measuring 24 weeks - right on track. I've gained 3 lbs since last month for a total of 12 lbs so far.

I feel relatively good. The contractions are there, but not as bad as last pregnancy. Of course, last time my cervix never measured below 3.5. I just can't believe that this is anything serious. But I'm willing to do what is needed to get a healthy baby at the end (an end later than 24 weeks). Luckily our nanny is able to help out the extra days this week and next week. I even have some work I can do from the comfort of my own bed, to help cover the costs.

Of course I do remember how crazy bedrest made me last time, so I'm seriously hopeful that this will be over in a week. If not, we'll find a way to deal. It can only go on for a total of 12-14 weeks - hmmm 3 to 3 1/2 months - yuck.

Yesterday it was 97 degrees. So what you say, but do you live in a city with limited air conditioning? It was surprisingly not that bad. I finally got some decent sleep starting around 12:30. Today is supposed to be in the mid-80s, but it is seriously overcast, so I'm hoping for less. People are kind - asking me how I'm going in the heat. Luckily at 5 1/2 months pregnant, I'm doing just like everyone else. I'm not that big and uncomfortable. I'm just not normal sized. Baby X (it seems like we're never going to agree on a name) is jumping and kicking, but at this size, its just fun.

Work hoopla was followed by meetings which were reassuring regarding my office's appreciation for the work that I do, but gave no indication of any forward progress. I've got some interesting work that is keeping me somewhat busy - and I got to see the new Harry Potter yesterday. Monday I told my favorite client that we're expecting #2. It was hard to say - I feel like I'm somehow slacking to have "another" child. But hopefully that's only my own issue. I'm glad that the tale has been told.

Bacon, at 17 months, is transitioning to one nap a day. She's been such at great sleeper for so long that its a bit sad. She's almost always only taking one 3 hour nap in the middle of the day. But sometime between an hour and a 1/2 hour before bedtime, she starts to melt. Other than that, she's just growing up so much. As friends have told me, it just keeps getting better. Her favorite things are dogs, balloons and birds. She chats or sings almost constantly - if she's not eating, which is often. She's still small and light for her age. But with the rate of food intake, I'm not worried about her health. (L's daughter who is 10 months older is big for her age. The 2 of them look to be a couple of years apart.)

Its fun to think about baby X and what he'll be like. Will he, like Bacon, take after D and be dark or after me and be light? I think the genetic odds are against me, but we'll see.

My recent work hoopla was caused, in part, by my desire to think about my future. Although I can't say what life with 2 children will be like, I do want to continue to work. I really like what I do - in fact I love the challenges and feel invigorated when I have an opportunity to do the hard stuff. I desire some control in my life. Work is an easier place to get it than home. Home is ruled by nap schedules, demands for food and the need for clean clothes.

Part time in a field that very much doesn't support part time work is -- weird. Where success in work is measured, at least in part, by the number of hours you can bill; part-time work automatically puts you (at least) one down. Traveling when needed; staying any and all hours is something that I haven't committed to. But, clearly, if I'm not doing it someone else may have to. When I look at it this way, its understandable that I am one down.

Am I in the right job? How could I possibly change fields? Do I want to? Would another office be any different?

(Baby who tooks way too short of a nap is calling.)