The Middle Chapters

I love my in-laws. We had a wonderful trip back east filled with food, a surprise baby shower, the Ansel Adams exhibit and poker. After reminding myself that I didn't have to entertain anyone, I simply relaxed and had fun. I also got a wonderful surprise - my mom is actually coming out of my baby shower here at home this weekend, that is, if she made the reservation right. Of course the first thing I thought of is what we need to do to entertain her and what we need to do to the house to prepare, but no, we came up with a few ideas; the housekeeper is coming Friday and we'll leave it to that.

I'm getting really uncomfortable. Sleeping is getting difficult. I didn't think this would hit so soon. Everything was great at the doctor's today. Weight up to 160.5 lbs, swollen feet that the doctor isn't worried about (and apparently could be a side effect of the ibuprofen), measuring on schedule at 29 cms (right on for 29 weeks), and plenty of amniotic fluid. The doctor suggested an ultrasound to check growth next week - sounds good to me. I'm going to try to schedule it so that my mom can come and see the little girl. Oh, and no gestational diabetes. The world is good.

I'm heading off for Thanksgiving and I haven't heard my test results. Although I'm still overall very happy, I'm also starting to wonder what's going on on the gestational diabetes front. I'm swinging between trying to eat "well" and enjoying my freedom in case I get bad news. I won't be back until late next Monday. I guess any news will keep. I've been doing the glucose urine tests every week at the doctor's. Wouldn't any problem show up there? Okay, I'm really letting it go.

A short Thanksgiving list of what I'm thankful for: my wonderful family (D and our dog G and soon to be baby) plus his mostly sane and fun family and my insane and dramatic family. My wonderful friends including best friend L. When you've grown up wacky, good friends, a great husband and dog are priceless.

Shockingly, I failed my one hour glucose test. I was truly surprised. Other people had written about feeling weird after drinking the glucola. I didn't have that experience. When the nurse left me a message to call her about the results on Monday, but noted that she would be out of the office on Tuesday, I thought the news could obviously wait until my Thursday appointment. If I'd failed, she would have left that information in the message, right? Apparently not. While I didn't get my number, it apparently was surpringly high. So high that the nurse commented that not all women with my results actually have gestational diabetes. Hmmm.

The doctor's appointment went well. I returned to work on Monday. No serious increase in contractions (until Saturday but wandering an arts & crafts show followed by a party likely was related to that.) Weight up to 159. While that's totally within a reasonable range, gaining 3 1/2 pounds in a week freaked me out a bit. My doctor commented that weekly weight checks are not ideal just for this reason. My weight gain over the month is something like 4 pounds total. (Yes, I feel a bit stupid for freaking out.) Amiotic fluid doing great. I'm staying on the ibuprofen until 36 weeks which happens to be January 1. After that, ibuprofen may be linked with heart development issues. So, no ibuprofen. Works for me.

I did the 3-hour test on Saturday. It really wasn't as bad as I thought. The lab people were nice and didn't seem to mind when I took a nap between the second and third blood draws in their waiting area. The nap seriously helped the time pass.

I just can't get worked up about the possibility of gestational diabetes. If I have it, I'll deal. I'm just too happy overall to have gotten this far with the baby still alive and thriving - 28 weeks - hurray!

It's nice being back at work. The days pass so much faster. After a very brief respite, things are heating up again. Our team even has a new addition - or at least piece of one. (I think my month off prepared them for things to come.)

Life just seems like such an adventure right now. I'm so happy and excited to see what happens next.

Strangely, I'm having more contractions, but I'm also less nervous about it all. Perhaps its that anything can seem normal after a while. That does make some sense. As the contractions continue, they don't seem to be leading anywhere - they just come and go - now this includes when I'm laying down and while I'm sleeping at night. Sometimes its only one. Sometimes they come in clumps. So far, there is no increase in degree or length. So far, never more than 6 in an hour. There's still no cervical involvement, but the doctor today noted that the baby's head is now against my cervix. (I saw a different doctor. So I don't know if this is something different or just something he happened to mention to me that my normal doctor hasn't.) She's been head down since the first ultrasound to check on things back at 23 weeks.

I've been staying home from work. With the contractions now coming whether I'm up or down, my thought was that I might as well return and see how things go. The doctor today suggested that I wait to get my test results from today before making any decisions. I did have the fetal fibronectin test done today. It was explained that if its negative, this means that there is only a very small chance of going into labor in the next two weeks. If its positive, there is only a 50% chance of going into labor in the next two weeks. I should have the results by the end of the day tomorrow. *** Results just came in - I'm negative. My doctor says the choices are to increase activity levels or cut out the ibruprofen. I'll increase activity, thank you very much.

This week I read a very good "chic lit" novel that dealt with the issue of miscarriage - "Luscious Lemon" by Heather Swain. I wasn't entirely prepared for the topic which was generally hinted at on the book jacket. It really hit home and brought up all the feelings associated with my first miscarriage. Both the sense of wonder regarding the early pregnancy and the feeling of the sky falling when it ends. Also, the aftermath - the feeling that you should be moving forward with life and the comments ("God's plan," "it was for the best," "you can always have another.") The author did a great job of capturing the naive excitement of a pregnancy (even an unexpected one) and the devastation when it is lost.

A mostly good week but with two days of discomfort and a few serious contractions. Is this normal? Does it signify anything? Should I be at work? Thursday was a dark day. Everything was is perfect order at Friday's doctor's appointment (weight 155, negative urine, cervix long and closed), but Thursday the worry was overwhelming. Any time vertical led to serious discomfort. I can't get the miscarriages out of my head - the watch for bad signs and when finding them, the hollow feeling inside. It's so easy to go there - whether there's a need or not.

Friday I was up a good portion of the day with no problems. I can't figure it out.

This week was an obsession regarding her eyes. We just need a few more weeks to get to the point where they are fully developed.

Prior to the contractions starting, I started looking into birthing classes. At this point, I just can't bring myself to make plans for the birth. Perhaps in a couple of weeks.