The Middle Chapters

Well, just about. The inspection turned up several issues that we will try to work out with the sellers. The sellers have already had their offer on another house accepted. The plan is to close on the house we're buying right before they close on their new house. I assume that they will be motivated to work with us on the things that need to be repaired on their house, so I'm thinking of this as a done deal. The new house closes on 5/16 and we get possession 4 days later.

Next step is fixing up our house and selling it. While I was still out of town, D started to work on things. This morning, while the baby was down (hurray - she actually is still sleeping not in my arms!) I got a bit of yard work done and worked on the list of things we need done to our house - it seems long - and finalized the list of things we want the sellers to fix or pay (at least in part) to have fixed on the new house - also long. While looking at houses and making offers on other houses, getting our house ready seemed like a daunting task. Now that we have a new house that feels right, it doesn't seem so bad. I think we should hire people who can do our work well and fast rather than try to do it ourselves. Although M is getting bigger and a bit more self reliant, I still can't seem to get much done ever. If we just bite the bullet and think of it as an investment that will result in a better and faster house sale, I think it will all work out.

We will be moving to another northern part of our city almost the same distance from downtown. I'm happy not to be moving to the burbs. Although it seems like a great place to raise children, I just couldn't entirely go for it. The extra few miles from my friends seemed like a continent. Now, we'll just be on the other side of the freeway. Yeah!

I'm back today from my visit home. My biggest worry about the trip was my dad's reaction to the baby. Without going into a lot of detail, let's just say he's very critical - about just about everything. There's a right way to be and to do things and I typically am not and do not do things right. (While this has always been his way, he praises me and my siblings to everyone he meets, just not to us - "Let me tell you about my bright, well employed, and attractive children.") My dad has always had this thing about looks - boyfriends/husbands/children should be tall, blond haired and blue eyed. I have no idea where this came from since of the 3, he's only tall. It's been this way for forever. Past boyfriends and my husband have been criticized for their height, hair and eye color. Of the 3, my husband is only tall and so far, my daughter is none. While I can generally put his comments where they belong (after years of therapy), I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to when it came to my daughter.

This visit was important to me. Although I can't control how my dad reacts to my daughter, I really wanted them to meet. My dad turned 73 this month and while his health is generally good, many of his friends are either dying or having serious health problems. I didn't want to miss an opportunity for my daughter to meet him.

My mom warned me ahead of time that my dad isn't a baby person. True to form, he did not touch the baby except for the one time I put her in his arms and another when I leaned her in for a kiss. (I took photos of the first and my sister commented that she has a very similar picture of dad looking equally uncomfortable with her daughter.) He made 2 comments about her eye color - one about photoshopping a color change in photos and one about colored contact lenses. Given his nature, these were mild comments and ones that didn't wound (although I clearly noticed them).

My dad did come up with a nickname for the baby - Octavia - because she is his 8th grandchild. Funny thing, but it really touched my heart.

We made an offer on another house - we didn't get it either. I didn't get attached to this one, although I really did like the neighborhood. It was actually in a suburb. One that's 20 minutes away and I had never been to before last weekend. The neighbors were super friendly. The listing agent lived 4 houses away from the house for sale. She introduced us to a bunch of the neighbors who came to see the house. We ended up hanging out at the open house for over an hour. And still didn't get the house.

I went to my second moms and babies group today. I left with mixed feelings. Everyone is very nice and it was great hearing their stories and experiences, but I felt different. I can't put my finger on it. I don't know if its because I'm older or what. They all seems so - satisfied with being moms and relaxed. It's not that I'm not fabulously happy to be a mom - but I miss the competent part of me that did something other than be a mom. I feel isolated. I miss my life outside our house and I feel guilty about it. I finally get this child I worked so hard for and I want to get away from her. I want to be the one who raises her, but I also want some other stuff in my life. I guess I want to have my cake and eat it too. Can it work that way?

It's chilly and gloomy here. I know that's not helping my mood. I'm worried about getting the house ready to sell and moving. I'm worried about our new mortgage and affording the house we haven't bought yet. I'm worried about our trip to visit my family next week. I'm afraid that my dad won't be as excited about my beautiful girl as I am. I guess I'm just having one of those days.

Well, we didn't get the house. It sold for $50K over the asking price. I'm half disappointed and half relieved. This would have been a tough month if we had closed on a house at the end. Our financing hadn't quite been lined up yet. We have a visit to my family scheduled. All of it was doable, but when the seller asked for the 3 contenders to make new offers which he would consider 2 1/2 hours later, after we had already offered $20K over the asking price, I felt like things were moving much too quickly.

I seem to have picked up the stomach flu. M seems a bit under the weather, but no signs of stomach distress. It could be worse - I haven't thrown up yet and the combo of ibuprofen and pepto-bismol is actually making me feel better. It's strange to be trying to take care of someone else when I feel bad. According to Dr. Google, this is only supposed to last 3 days. Today is day 3 so I'm hoping tomorrow will be better.

M is still sleeping well (compared to a few weeks ago). Feedings are 3 hours apart at their most frequent at night.

Our little girl is now over 11 lbs. This is very significant, as our doctor says she can go through the night without a feeding once she's 12 lbs. At an ounce a day - that's very soon. We got our first (and second) 5 hour stretch of sleep this weekend. I'm hopeful that this will be part of a trend. I have noticed that when she wakes up more often at night she's not really that interested in eating. Usually her arm has come out of her swaddling and is freaking her out.

She decided that she likes the bouncy chair last Thursday. Again significant because she can go for longer happy periods during the day without me holding her. (I got great advice to try the chair each week to see if she had changed her mind about it.)

Our third significant event is that we may be buying a new house. Our offer is being presented tonight. While there may be easier times to move, I am excited about having a new family house.