Monday, December 26, 2005
Is Now a Good Time to Move?
For the past nine months (okay probably longer than that), we have been going back and forth about whether to re-model our house or to move. I love our house. I bought it before I met the hubbie. But, it doesn't have a good lay-out for a baby (although has tons of re-model potential). But, I can't imagine going through a re-model with a little one. But, there are things that need to be done to get our house ready to sell. But, we'll qualify for more while I'm still employed full time if we buy something new. In our neighborhood, re-modeling is probably not the best thing to do with our money. But houses have gotten so expensive.
I'm 33 weeks pregnancy. Is now a good time to move?
Agggghhhhh! We looked at a house for sale today that is in the middle of a re-model. We don't know the story, but based on photos around the house, are guessing that a couple with a young child split in the middle of a tear-down/re-model. Is this what a re-model does to a family?
Would buying a house in the middle of a re-model be the worst of both possible worlds? Oh, but the kitchen is beautiful!
We also looked at another house - oh it was bad. The price - high. The house - low. It was around the back of an apartment building, very close to a dive bar. Bad, bad, bad.
I go on maternity leave in 3 weeks. The baby is due in 7 weeks. Maybe there is a better time to be thinking about this.
I'm 33 weeks pregnancy. Is now a good time to move?
Agggghhhhh! We looked at a house for sale today that is in the middle of a re-model. We don't know the story, but based on photos around the house, are guessing that a couple with a young child split in the middle of a tear-down/re-model. Is this what a re-model does to a family?
Would buying a house in the middle of a re-model be the worst of both possible worlds? Oh, but the kitchen is beautiful!
We also looked at another house - oh it was bad. The price - high. The house - low. It was around the back of an apartment building, very close to a dive bar. Bad, bad, bad.
I go on maternity leave in 3 weeks. The baby is due in 7 weeks. Maybe there is a better time to be thinking about this.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
"Hard Fought" Pregnancy
I've gotten to the point where I don't have to mention my miscarriages when people comment on my pregnancy - but I still feel compelled to say something. Mostly this is for me, but its also in case people listening to whatever pregnancy comments are being made have gone through anything similar. I don't want to be mistaken for someone who blinked and got pregnant - or rather blinked and got a pregnancy that I got to keep to term.
I have started warning clients about my upcoming maternity leave. I've had a few people (clients and colleagues) comment that they thought I already did that. With my leave of absence earlier this year, I can see where they made that assumption. This is where the "hard fought" comment comes in handy. No one, in the work setting, has asked the details. They simply respond with a knowing, "Ohhhh." And things are left there.
I don't know how I started using this phrase, but it seems to fit. There was nothing really to fight - which was hard. But it still felt like a battle. I did everything I could think of or was recommended by my doctors (except where the advise conflicted, then I chose what seemed to make more sense and have better support). I was fighting my body, the overwhelming sadness of repeated failure - yeah, this description works.
Going for total gender stereotypes here - since most of the clients/colleagues I have had this conversation with are men, this phrase is well received. They don't want to know the details. But, it seems like they appreciate something that took effort and is leading to a successful outcome.
I've written about the alone-ness of repeat miscarriage before. Jill did a great job of it recently: http://www.knocked.typepad.com/ My theory is that people are uncomfortable with sadness and hardship and that there is a point where they simply plug their ears and start humming to themselves so that they don't have to hear. (This is also my theory on why people can be so good at assvice.) But people love to hear about the success of an underdog. That's what this has felt like. I have received a ton of support and well wishes from everyone - friends, co-workers, clients, colleagues and strangers. Its so much easier to share someone's happiness and so hard to share their pain. (But the bad stuff is typically what we need help with - ironic isn't it?) So, for many, a "hard fought" success story is easier to hear about than the journey to get there.
For all of you that have gone through multiple miscarriages, I'm so sorry for what you've gone through. I wish you a "hard fought" pregnancy or another dream of your choice.
I have started warning clients about my upcoming maternity leave. I've had a few people (clients and colleagues) comment that they thought I already did that. With my leave of absence earlier this year, I can see where they made that assumption. This is where the "hard fought" comment comes in handy. No one, in the work setting, has asked the details. They simply respond with a knowing, "Ohhhh." And things are left there.
I don't know how I started using this phrase, but it seems to fit. There was nothing really to fight - which was hard. But it still felt like a battle. I did everything I could think of or was recommended by my doctors (except where the advise conflicted, then I chose what seemed to make more sense and have better support). I was fighting my body, the overwhelming sadness of repeated failure - yeah, this description works.
Going for total gender stereotypes here - since most of the clients/colleagues I have had this conversation with are men, this phrase is well received. They don't want to know the details. But, it seems like they appreciate something that took effort and is leading to a successful outcome.
I've written about the alone-ness of repeat miscarriage before. Jill did a great job of it recently: http://www.knocked.typepad.com/ My theory is that people are uncomfortable with sadness and hardship and that there is a point where they simply plug their ears and start humming to themselves so that they don't have to hear. (This is also my theory on why people can be so good at assvice.) But people love to hear about the success of an underdog. That's what this has felt like. I have received a ton of support and well wishes from everyone - friends, co-workers, clients, colleagues and strangers. Its so much easier to share someone's happiness and so hard to share their pain. (But the bad stuff is typically what we need help with - ironic isn't it?) So, for many, a "hard fought" success story is easier to hear about than the journey to get there.
For all of you that have gone through multiple miscarriages, I'm so sorry for what you've gone through. I wish you a "hard fought" pregnancy or another dream of your choice.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
More and Less
Yesterday was just a hard day (until the end which was good). Thursday night, I woke up with painful contractions. I hadn't been taking any ibuprofen, so I swallowed down three and waited for the contractions to end. They eventually did, but I woke up Friday feeling rotten. I had more contractions in the morning at work (the uncomfortable rather than the painful ones). That in combination with some weird poking/kicking down had me worried. I called the triage nurse who had me come in and see the on-call doctor. After two and a half hours, the conclusion was - I was having contractions, but no cervical involvement (same old, same old). It was a relief, but geeze, I wish I could have figured that out ahead of time.
I wonder if people who don't have a bad pregnancy history react so strongly to these type things. I just don't know what all this is suppose to feel like, so then things change or seem wonky, I call the doctor. They then test me up the wazoo with the result being - no apparent big deal.
After a bit of a crying jag, I was better. Today is much better all together.
I wonder if people who don't have a bad pregnancy history react so strongly to these type things. I just don't know what all this is suppose to feel like, so then things change or seem wonky, I call the doctor. They then test me up the wazoo with the result being - no apparent big deal.
After a bit of a crying jag, I was better. Today is much better all together.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Comments and Complaints
I went to 2 holiday parties this weekend - both are annual events that I didn't want to miss. (I skipped last weekend's party and slept instead and felt that I missed out on the holiday spirit.) Saturday's dinner and Sunday's girls' gathering were great, but me - not so great. If I stand, the front hurts (a killer pain right up under my ribs). If I sit, the back hurts. I'm 31 weeks now. Does this mean I have 9 more weeks of only being pain-free when I'm horizontal? The nausea also seems to be coming back. It's not so bad. But in combination with the pain, I just want to pull the cover over my head.
The girls' gathering was thrown by the best hostess around. (I love parties at her house!) The same set of women have been attending this party for the past six or so years. There are a few women that barely see the rest of the year, but see here. Our age range is now 35-43, with most in their late 30s. We've know each other for around 10 years - with one new addition since then. We were all single then. About half the group is now married - all have children except me. Most of the moms have had at least one miscarriage. One of the other women and me have had multiple problems. They all know my story. Most of them know C's. Of the other half, one is engaged and the rest are very single. Some of the very single women always thought that they would get married and have families. One is divorced.
Big topics of the evening were I's engagement and upcoming wedding and whether the moms were going to have any more children. At first, I simply was counting my blessings. Late in the event, I thought that we couldn't have hit on more touchy subjects. I's wedding was going to be discussed regardless. The 2nd or 3rd child topic wasn't so obvious. Is it that children are the default topic for people with children? It reminded me of a fundraiser tea for a child support agency that I attended last year. I was the only one without children at my table. After that first question directed to me - so, how old are your children? There seemed to be nothing else to discuss.
I don't know. I guess trying to avoid every topic that might not sit well with everyone would leave the weather. This group of friends are a great group; a mix of very out-spoken and quite. We're mostly transplants to this city who met through sports or old boyfriends. We are mostly happy with a pinch of bitterness thrown in. We range from the head of the household to meekly following their partner's rules. (Okay, this last one gets a lot of ribbing from some members of the group.) Four of us are in the same field. Two work for the same large company. We range from fashionable to hippie-like.
Where am I heading with this? Nowhere I guess. At this point, I'm well into memories of how we met and how we ended up staying friends through all the years and changes in our lives.
The girls' gathering was thrown by the best hostess around. (I love parties at her house!) The same set of women have been attending this party for the past six or so years. There are a few women that barely see the rest of the year, but see here. Our age range is now 35-43, with most in their late 30s. We've know each other for around 10 years - with one new addition since then. We were all single then. About half the group is now married - all have children except me. Most of the moms have had at least one miscarriage. One of the other women and me have had multiple problems. They all know my story. Most of them know C's. Of the other half, one is engaged and the rest are very single. Some of the very single women always thought that they would get married and have families. One is divorced.
Big topics of the evening were I's engagement and upcoming wedding and whether the moms were going to have any more children. At first, I simply was counting my blessings. Late in the event, I thought that we couldn't have hit on more touchy subjects. I's wedding was going to be discussed regardless. The 2nd or 3rd child topic wasn't so obvious. Is it that children are the default topic for people with children? It reminded me of a fundraiser tea for a child support agency that I attended last year. I was the only one without children at my table. After that first question directed to me - so, how old are your children? There seemed to be nothing else to discuss.
I don't know. I guess trying to avoid every topic that might not sit well with everyone would leave the weather. This group of friends are a great group; a mix of very out-spoken and quite. We're mostly transplants to this city who met through sports or old boyfriends. We are mostly happy with a pinch of bitterness thrown in. We range from the head of the household to meekly following their partner's rules. (Okay, this last one gets a lot of ribbing from some members of the group.) Four of us are in the same field. Two work for the same large company. We range from fashionable to hippie-like.
Where am I heading with this? Nowhere I guess. At this point, I'm well into memories of how we met and how we ended up staying friends through all the years and changes in our lives.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
What to Do About Work
We had a team meeting on Friday as things heat up once again. The team is newly expanded; we have our 3 full time people and we've now got parts of 3 additional people! The meeting was - fun. (A word I hadn't really associated with work until the last few months.) We have a great plan in place which includes me up until I go on maternity leave in January.
I was finally asked by my office what my plan was after the baby came. I gave it my best shot, but told them what I've heard over and over from others - you can't know what you'll want to do until you get there. How do you decide what to do - when to go back to work if you have the choice?
I was finally asked by my office what my plan was after the baby came. I gave it my best shot, but told them what I've heard over and over from others - you can't know what you'll want to do until you get there. How do you decide what to do - when to go back to work if you have the choice?
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
All Those 3rd Trimester Symptoms - Check
I somehow convinced myself that I wouldn't get them, the swollen ankles, the super tireds. But, there here. The ankles go up and down. Yesterday was the first day that my feet felt like sausages stuffed into my shoes. This is the second week of the super tireds. My brain goes blank by 5:00 and all I want to do is be horizontal. I don't think I've stayed up past 8:00 since some time last week.
I had a great weekend! Beyond my wildest expectations. My mom and her best friend P were wonderful company. We did a shopping death march, but found wonderful things. The baby nook got painted (by them and DH) and my baby shower was great fun. I've always wanted my mom and P to visit together. Combined, they enjoy things more and worry less and are lots of fun. Childhood stories become entertaining anecdotes when discussed with them instead of the unhappy memories that some of them were. It was great to be surrounded by friends at the shower and celebrate the coming of the baby.
We had a growth check ultrasound on Tuesday. I'm just over 30 weeks. Baby girl is big. She estimated as weighing 3 lbs. 13 oz. All her measurements are 1-2 weeks ahead. According to the doctor, this doesn't mean that she'll come early, but that she'll likely be big - 8 1/2 lbs. - at term. We saw her profile and face, but the photos we got to take home are hard to figure out. She looks so much more like a baby, its just a wonderful thing. I'm still a reasonable size, which is just luck as far as I can figure. I've gained 18 lbs - at 161 lbs. now.
We still can't decide on a name. The leaders for first names are: Madeline, Margaret and Annabelle. But, we still don't feel strongly about any of them. In theory, we want a name that is recognizable, but not too common. Emily got tossed because of its popularity. I'm starting to hear that Madeline may be more popular than we thought. I love the idea of naming baby girl after D's mom, but he thinks it would be too strange to have a mom and daughter with the same name. So far, we can't find a nickname for his mom's name that he likes - there are at least two that I think would be great. I'm hoping that eventually something will just seem right. I hope that happens before she goes to college.
I had a great weekend! Beyond my wildest expectations. My mom and her best friend P were wonderful company. We did a shopping death march, but found wonderful things. The baby nook got painted (by them and DH) and my baby shower was great fun. I've always wanted my mom and P to visit together. Combined, they enjoy things more and worry less and are lots of fun. Childhood stories become entertaining anecdotes when discussed with them instead of the unhappy memories that some of them were. It was great to be surrounded by friends at the shower and celebrate the coming of the baby.
We had a growth check ultrasound on Tuesday. I'm just over 30 weeks. Baby girl is big. She estimated as weighing 3 lbs. 13 oz. All her measurements are 1-2 weeks ahead. According to the doctor, this doesn't mean that she'll come early, but that she'll likely be big - 8 1/2 lbs. - at term. We saw her profile and face, but the photos we got to take home are hard to figure out. She looks so much more like a baby, its just a wonderful thing. I'm still a reasonable size, which is just luck as far as I can figure. I've gained 18 lbs - at 161 lbs. now.
We still can't decide on a name. The leaders for first names are: Madeline, Margaret and Annabelle. But, we still don't feel strongly about any of them. In theory, we want a name that is recognizable, but not too common. Emily got tossed because of its popularity. I'm starting to hear that Madeline may be more popular than we thought. I love the idea of naming baby girl after D's mom, but he thinks it would be too strange to have a mom and daughter with the same name. So far, we can't find a nickname for his mom's name that he likes - there are at least two that I think would be great. I'm hoping that eventually something will just seem right. I hope that happens before she goes to college.
All Those 3rd Trimester Symptoms - Check
I somehow convinced myself that I wouldn't get them, the swollen ankles, the super tireds. But, there here. The ankles go up and down. Yesterday was the first day that my feet felt like sausages stuffed into my shoes. This is the second week of the super tireds. My brain goes blank by 5:00 and all I want to do is be horizontal. I don't think I've stayed up past 8:00 since some time last week.
I had a great weekend! Beyond my wildest expectations. My mom and her best friend P were wonderful company. We did a shopping death march, but found wonderful things. The baby nook got painted (by them and DH) and my baby shower was great fun. I've always wanted my mom and P to visit together. Combined, they enjoy things more and worry less and are lots of fun. Childhood stories become entertaining anecdotes when discussed with them instead of the unhappy memories that some of them were. It was great to be surrounded by friends at the shower and celebrate the coming of the baby.
We had a growth check ultrasound on Tuesday. I'm just over 30 weeks. Baby girl is big. She estimated as weighing 3 lbs. 13 oz. All her measurements are 1-2 weeks ahead. According to the doctor, this doesn't mean that she'll come early, but that she'll likely be big - 8 1/2 lbs. - at term. We saw her profile and face, but the photos we got to take home are hard to figure out. She looks so much more like a baby, its just a wonderful thing. I'm still a reasonable size, which is just luck as far as I can figure. I've gained 18 lbs - at 161 lbs. now.
We still can't decide on a name. The leaders for first names are: Madeline, Margaret and Annabelle. But, we still don't feel strongly about any of them. In theory, we want a name that is recognizable, but not too common. Emily got tossed because of its popularity. I'm starting to hear that Madeline may be more popular than we thought. I love the idea of naming baby girl after D's mom, but he thinks it would be too strange to have a mom and daughter with the same name. So far, we can't find a nickname for his mom's name that he likes - there are at least two that I think would be great. I'm hoping that eventually something will just seem right. I hope that happens before she goes to college.
I had a great weekend! Beyond my wildest expectations. My mom and her best friend P were wonderful company. We did a shopping death march, but found wonderful things. The baby nook got painted (by them and DH) and my baby shower was great fun. I've always wanted my mom and P to visit together. Combined, they enjoy things more and worry less and are lots of fun. Childhood stories become entertaining anecdotes when discussed with them instead of the unhappy memories that some of them were. It was great to be surrounded by friends at the shower and celebrate the coming of the baby.
We had a growth check ultrasound on Tuesday. I'm just over 30 weeks. Baby girl is big. She estimated as weighing 3 lbs. 13 oz. All her measurements are 1-2 weeks ahead. According to the doctor, this doesn't mean that she'll come early, but that she'll likely be big - 8 1/2 lbs. - at term. We saw her profile and face, but the photos we got to take home are hard to figure out. She looks so much more like a baby, its just a wonderful thing. I'm still a reasonable size, which is just luck as far as I can figure. I've gained 18 lbs - at 161 lbs. now.
We still can't decide on a name. The leaders for first names are: Madeline, Margaret and Annabelle. But, we still don't feel strongly about any of them. In theory, we want a name that is recognizable, but not too common. Emily got tossed because of its popularity. I'm starting to hear that Madeline may be more popular than we thought. I love the idea of naming baby girl after D's mom, but he thinks it would be too strange to have a mom and daughter with the same name. So far, we can't find a nickname for his mom's name that he likes - there are at least two that I think would be great. I'm hoping that eventually something will just seem right. I hope that happens before she goes to college.
All Those 3rd Trimester Symptoms - Check
I somehow convinced myself that I wouldn't get them, the swollen ankles, the super tireds. But, there here. The ankles go up and down. Yesterday was the first day that my feet felt like sausages stuffed into my shoes. This is the second week of the super tireds. My brain goes blank by 5:00 and all I want to do is be horizontal. I don't think I've stayed up past 8:00 since some time last week.
I had a great weekend! Beyond my wildest expectations. My mom and her best friend P were wonderful company. We did a shopping death march, but found wonderful things. The baby nook got painted (by them and DH) and my baby shower was great fun. I've always wanted my mom and P to visit together. Combined, they enjoy things more and worry less and are lots of fun. Childhood stories become entertaining anecdotes when discussed with them instead of the unhappy memories that some of them were. It was great to be surrounded by friends at the shower and celebrate the coming of the baby.
We had a growth check ultrasound on Tuesday. I'm just over 30 weeks. Baby girl is big. She estimated as weighing 3 lbs. 13 oz. All her measurements are 1-2 weeks ahead. According to the doctor, this doesn't mean that she'll come early, but that she'll likely be big - 8 1/2 lbs. - at term. We saw her profile and face, but the photos we got to take home are hard to figure out. She looks so much more like a baby, its just a wonderful thing. I'm still a reasonable size, which is just luck as far as I can figure. I've gained 18 lbs - at 161 lbs. now.
We still can't decide on a name. The leaders for first names are: Madeline, Margaret and Annabelle. But, we still don't feel strongly about any of them. In theory, we want a name that is recognizable, but not too common. Emily got tossed because of its popularity. I'm starting to hear that Madeline may be more popular than we thought. I love the idea of naming baby girl after D's mom, but he thinks it would be too strange to have a mom and daughter with the same name. So far, we can't find a nickname for his mom's name that he likes - there are at least two that I think would be great. I'm hoping that eventually something will just seem right. I hope that happens before she goes to college.
I had a great weekend! Beyond my wildest expectations. My mom and her best friend P were wonderful company. We did a shopping death march, but found wonderful things. The baby nook got painted (by them and DH) and my baby shower was great fun. I've always wanted my mom and P to visit together. Combined, they enjoy things more and worry less and are lots of fun. Childhood stories become entertaining anecdotes when discussed with them instead of the unhappy memories that some of them were. It was great to be surrounded by friends at the shower and celebrate the coming of the baby.
We had a growth check ultrasound on Tuesday. I'm just over 30 weeks. Baby girl is big. She estimated as weighing 3 lbs. 13 oz. All her measurements are 1-2 weeks ahead. According to the doctor, this doesn't mean that she'll come early, but that she'll likely be big - 8 1/2 lbs. - at term. We saw her profile and face, but the photos we got to take home are hard to figure out. She looks so much more like a baby, its just a wonderful thing. I'm still a reasonable size, which is just luck as far as I can figure. I've gained 18 lbs - at 161 lbs. now.
We still can't decide on a name. The leaders for first names are: Madeline, Margaret and Annabelle. But, we still don't feel strongly about any of them. In theory, we want a name that is recognizable, but not too common. Emily got tossed because of its popularity. I'm starting to hear that Madeline may be more popular than we thought. I love the idea of naming baby girl after D's mom, but he thinks it would be too strange to have a mom and daughter with the same name. So far, we can't find a nickname for his mom's name that he likes - there are at least two that I think would be great. I'm hoping that eventually something will just seem right. I hope that happens before she goes to college.
All Those 3rd Trimester Symptoms - Check
I somehow convinced myself that I wouldn't get them, the swollen ankles, the super tireds. But, there here. The ankles go up and down. Yesterday was the first day that my feet felt like sausages stuffed into my shoes. This is the second week of the super tireds. My brain goes blank by 5:00 and all I want to do is be horizontal. I don't think I've stayed up past 8:00 since some time last week.
I had a great weekend! Beyond my wildest expectations. My mom and her best friend P were wonderful company. We did a shopping death march, but found wonderful things. The baby nook got painted (by them and DH) and my baby shower was great fun. I've always wanted my mom and P to visit together. Combined, they enjoy things more and worry less and are lots of fun. Childhood stories become entertaining anecdotes when discussed with them instead of the unhappy memories that some of them were. It was great to be surrounded by friends at the shower and celebrate the coming of the baby.
We had a growth check ultrasound on Tuesday. I'm just over 30 weeks. Baby girl is big. She estimated as weighing 3 lbs. 13 oz. All her measurements are 1-2 weeks ahead. According to the doctor, this doesn't mean that she'll come early, but that she'll likely be big - 8 1/2 lbs. - at term. We saw her profile and face, but the photos we got to take home are hard to figure out. She looks so much more like a baby, its just a wonderful thing. I'm still a reasonable size, which is just luck as far as I can figure. I've gained 18 lbs - at 161 lbs. now.
We still can't decide on a name. The leaders for first names are: Madeline, Margaret and Annabelle. But, we still don't feel strongly about any of them. In theory, we want a name that is recognizable, but not too common. Emily got tossed because of its popularity. I'm starting to hear that Madeline may be more popular than we thought. I love the idea of naming baby girl after D's mom, but he thinks it would be too strange to have a mom and daughter with the same name. So far, we can't find a nickname for his mom's name that he likes - there are at least two that I think would be great. I'm hoping that eventually something will just seem right. I hope that happens before she goes to college.
I had a great weekend! Beyond my wildest expectations. My mom and her best friend P were wonderful company. We did a shopping death march, but found wonderful things. The baby nook got painted (by them and DH) and my baby shower was great fun. I've always wanted my mom and P to visit together. Combined, they enjoy things more and worry less and are lots of fun. Childhood stories become entertaining anecdotes when discussed with them instead of the unhappy memories that some of them were. It was great to be surrounded by friends at the shower and celebrate the coming of the baby.
We had a growth check ultrasound on Tuesday. I'm just over 30 weeks. Baby girl is big. She estimated as weighing 3 lbs. 13 oz. All her measurements are 1-2 weeks ahead. According to the doctor, this doesn't mean that she'll come early, but that she'll likely be big - 8 1/2 lbs. - at term. We saw her profile and face, but the photos we got to take home are hard to figure out. She looks so much more like a baby, its just a wonderful thing. I'm still a reasonable size, which is just luck as far as I can figure. I've gained 18 lbs - at 161 lbs. now.
We still can't decide on a name. The leaders for first names are: Madeline, Margaret and Annabelle. But, we still don't feel strongly about any of them. In theory, we want a name that is recognizable, but not too common. Emily got tossed because of its popularity. I'm starting to hear that Madeline may be more popular than we thought. I love the idea of naming baby girl after D's mom, but he thinks it would be too strange to have a mom and daughter with the same name. So far, we can't find a nickname for his mom's name that he likes - there are at least two that I think would be great. I'm hoping that eventually something will just seem right. I hope that happens before she goes to college.
