Thursday, May 03, 2007
Explaining the explaining
After I posted my last post, I started thinking that anyone who might read it might think that I was being unreadably smug about the success (so far) of this pregnancy. I'm sorry if it came out that way. With every past pregnancy, I have been convinced 24/7 that everything was going to end in doom, that it's simply amazing to me not to feel that way. In thinking about it, it's not actually confidence in success -- it's simply not confidence in failure.
I was so frightened at Bacon's birth. I was simply convinced that if she made it out of me, that we would lose her very soon afterward. As soon as she was born, I kept telling my husband to take photos because I wanted a record of her while she was alive. In hindsight it seems strange to feel so absolutely sure that she wouldn't survive, but I was.
This time around, I still have the list of everything that can go wrong running through my head. But, I don't feel that overwhelming conviction that every milestone passed means fewer options that lead to failure without removing the certainty of failure.
Because I'm 40 I was (and am) concerned with genetic issues. We did a 1st trimester screen and got our results for Downs - 1 in 1000 - a great number for my age. We haven't gotten info on any of the other potential issues and while there still circling around my head, I'm not so overwhelmingly worried about them.
I'm thrilled to be through-ish the first trimester. I'm in week 12 now. The second trimester was great with Bacon. I am dreading the 3rd trimester a bit, but really trying not to borrow trouble. I was on bedrest for 2 out of the last 3 months last go round with premature contraction (that did absolutely nothing other than make me incredibly uncomfortable and anxious.) As my OB said, because I delivered at 38 weeks with Bacon, they can't say that the early contraction were serious (because they didn't lead to "early" labor) or not serious (because I didn't make it to 40 weeks). As I told her, I did feel very cared for with my medical care last time, so whatever happens I've been through enough stuff that I hopefully have a good frame of reference for this go around.
I was so frightened at Bacon's birth. I was simply convinced that if she made it out of me, that we would lose her very soon afterward. As soon as she was born, I kept telling my husband to take photos because I wanted a record of her while she was alive. In hindsight it seems strange to feel so absolutely sure that she wouldn't survive, but I was.
This time around, I still have the list of everything that can go wrong running through my head. But, I don't feel that overwhelming conviction that every milestone passed means fewer options that lead to failure without removing the certainty of failure.
Because I'm 40 I was (and am) concerned with genetic issues. We did a 1st trimester screen and got our results for Downs - 1 in 1000 - a great number for my age. We haven't gotten info on any of the other potential issues and while there still circling around my head, I'm not so overwhelmingly worried about them.
I'm thrilled to be through-ish the first trimester. I'm in week 12 now. The second trimester was great with Bacon. I am dreading the 3rd trimester a bit, but really trying not to borrow trouble. I was on bedrest for 2 out of the last 3 months last go round with premature contraction (that did absolutely nothing other than make me incredibly uncomfortable and anxious.) As my OB said, because I delivered at 38 weeks with Bacon, they can't say that the early contraction were serious (because they didn't lead to "early" labor) or not serious (because I didn't make it to 40 weeks). As I told her, I did feel very cared for with my medical care last time, so whatever happens I've been through enough stuff that I hopefully have a good frame of reference for this go around.
