Monday, September 25, 2006
Another day
Well, last week was a full on bout of teething - but still no teeth! Bacon's sleep went from bad to worse. Wednesday night she was up from 1:30-5:30. She stopped eating solids and was generally unhappy. Things got better over the weekend. Sleep better and oh those yummy solids. One of the hard parts about the bad sleep (other than no sleep) is the idea that by caving to the crying, we're creating a monster. It was great to see that once we were through the worst of things, Bacon's sleeping went back to it's current good - which is up 2-3 times a night for a short nurse, then right back to sleep. Yesterday she took 3 1/2 hours of naps and then went to bed an hour early!
I saw a friend on Sunday who is pregnant and due in February. Apparently she had a tough first trimester and is worried about life after having a baby. I was trying to be realistic, but feel bad for the bad rap I gave motherhood. I confirmed her fears without really getting into the good parts. It's hard to explain because, yes, your life is no longer your own. Sleep and clean clothes are a thing of the past. But I wouldn't trade it in. The fact that you actually get a baby is so cool.
I found out about her pregnancy earlier in the week and felt - jealous. Funny, because I know she's had a tough time with fibroids and had surgery to deal with issues and possibly get pregnant. I knew then that she'd have to have an early C-section to make sure no bad things happen. But . . . After our hard week, D asked what was going on. The lack of sleep and pain thing were a big part of it. But it's also near the end of a 2ww and I'm worried/nervous/scared. While I want another baby, I'm scared of what might happen to get there. D says I'm getting ahead of myself, which I am. But miscarriages and troublesome pregnancies are painful and emotionally difficult. He might be able to forget everything that went into having Bacon - and I can in large part when I'm thinking about her - but the thought of doing it all again are daunting right now.
Maybe I'll be one of the lucky ones and whatever wasn't working before will be magically fixed now. I guess I won't know until I get there.
I saw a friend on Sunday who is pregnant and due in February. Apparently she had a tough first trimester and is worried about life after having a baby. I was trying to be realistic, but feel bad for the bad rap I gave motherhood. I confirmed her fears without really getting into the good parts. It's hard to explain because, yes, your life is no longer your own. Sleep and clean clothes are a thing of the past. But I wouldn't trade it in. The fact that you actually get a baby is so cool.
I found out about her pregnancy earlier in the week and felt - jealous. Funny, because I know she's had a tough time with fibroids and had surgery to deal with issues and possibly get pregnant. I knew then that she'd have to have an early C-section to make sure no bad things happen. But . . . After our hard week, D asked what was going on. The lack of sleep and pain thing were a big part of it. But it's also near the end of a 2ww and I'm worried/nervous/scared. While I want another baby, I'm scared of what might happen to get there. D says I'm getting ahead of myself, which I am. But miscarriages and troublesome pregnancies are painful and emotionally difficult. He might be able to forget everything that went into having Bacon - and I can in large part when I'm thinking about her - but the thought of doing it all again are daunting right now.
Maybe I'll be one of the lucky ones and whatever wasn't working before will be magically fixed now. I guess I won't know until I get there.
