The Middle Chapters

We made an offer on another house - we didn't get it either. I didn't get attached to this one, although I really did like the neighborhood. It was actually in a suburb. One that's 20 minutes away and I had never been to before last weekend. The neighbors were super friendly. The listing agent lived 4 houses away from the house for sale. She introduced us to a bunch of the neighbors who came to see the house. We ended up hanging out at the open house for over an hour. And still didn't get the house.

I went to my second moms and babies group today. I left with mixed feelings. Everyone is very nice and it was great hearing their stories and experiences, but I felt different. I can't put my finger on it. I don't know if its because I'm older or what. They all seems so - satisfied with being moms and relaxed. It's not that I'm not fabulously happy to be a mom - but I miss the competent part of me that did something other than be a mom. I feel isolated. I miss my life outside our house and I feel guilty about it. I finally get this child I worked so hard for and I want to get away from her. I want to be the one who raises her, but I also want some other stuff in my life. I guess I want to have my cake and eat it too. Can it work that way?

It's chilly and gloomy here. I know that's not helping my mood. I'm worried about getting the house ready to sell and moving. I'm worried about our new mortgage and affording the house we haven't bought yet. I'm worried about our trip to visit my family next week. I'm afraid that my dad won't be as excited about my beautiful girl as I am. I guess I'm just having one of those days.