The Middle Chapters

Today was M's first laugh. A truly wonderful thing. While she has been tracking our voices and making eye contact for a few weeks, her only reaction has been staring and maybe a smile. (The smiles have been few and far between and I'm still not sure that they are actual smiles.) But this morning, we definitely got a laugh. During the same play session, I brushed M with my hair and she made a "ga" sound. Repeat brushing brought forth the same noise. It seems strange to feel such joy at a "ga," but, other than calming her cries, these are the first positive reactions, and really the first interactions, we've had. Very cool. (Perhaps this also goes to explaining how she didn't feel different than me. Finally, I'm seeing a bit of the "her" that she is.)

With how long and difficult it was to have her, I have been feeling guilty about not finding every minute with her a joy. But, it simply hasn't been. My lack of sleep combined with her fussing and crying - when I get less than an hour during the day when I'm not holding her - has been tough. I wouldn't trade it in, but it's been tough. So the laugh and the "ga" felt like rewards. Wonderful sweet rewards.