The Middle Chapters

With the new year, of course I've been thinking of this past year and the few years prior to that. 2003 was actually the best and worst of years. Both finding my wonderful husband and losing our first pregnancy were my absolute high and absolute low. Being with the right person to love is beyond words. That first miscarriage - the loss of innocence - and living through the months afterward was hard.

2004 was our delayed honeymoon and two more miscarriages. The trip was wonderful. After a year of not conceiving - the back to back miscarriages - again not good. But, nothing could be as bad as the first one. (The advantage of lower expectations I guess.)

2005 was my fourth miscarriage the same week my best friend gave birth, but followed by this wonderful pregnancy. Its been scary and a bit painful (nothing is stopping the contractions that I've been having for the past 3 months, but they haven't led anywhere). "The wiggler" seems to be doing great and there are only a number of weeks left.

Six weeks until my due date. So, likely anywhere from 4 to 8 weeks until we have a baby. With all the contractions, I wonder how I'll know when things are real. Well, if nothing else, the whole baby coming out thing should clue me in, I guess.

I have two more weeks of work. I'm still enjoying it, but my patience is short. My ankles are huge by the end of the day. And I'm now having serious trouble getting out of chairs. I'm not sleeping through the night - heartburn, back pain or the need to use the bathroom wake me up multiple times a night. The hot tub (and anyone who will help me stand up) is my new best friend.

I'm excited and nervous - joyous and scared. I don't know what my life will be. Will I work? Can I handle the baby? Will we move? Can we live off one salary? Will the baby be healthy? 2006 looks to be a very interesting year.