The Middle Chapters

Argghhhh - I now take back my kind words about Terbutaline or rather my response to Terbutaline. I contracted most of the night starting at about 12:30 - not quite regular; only painful sometime, but what a pain. I woke up feeling like I'd been run over (after actually sleeping between 5:17 and when the alarm went off at 7:15).

I don't know why this is so scary, but it is. If I knew this was really labor, I could suck up the pain and just go with it. But, with this stop and go (and the doctor's encouragement to get through 2 more weeks) it just feels like some kind of torture. I'm worried about her coming too early. I'm worried that I won't know when its real labor. (Ever since my mom told me earlier this week about her labors lasting "a few hours" I've been concerned that I won't take things seriously enough and won't make it to the hospital.) I'm worried that something will go wrong and we ultimately won't get to meet her.

After the years that have led up to this, I think I expected this part to be easier. I've had plenty of warning that she may come early. Although I've had contractions for, oh, the past three months, these are different. And they're always at their worst from 12:30 am to about 5:00 am. What's the deal with that?

I just didn't realize how these last days/possibly weeks would stretch out. (Did I mention that the doctor said that after all of this, there is a chance that I will still go to term?) I'm trying to focus on the end goal and realize that this is such a small slice of time, but there have been a lot of moments recently when its just hard. Can we just get to the healthy baby at the end of the road part soon?