Monday, January 30, 2006
A different kind of wait
16 days until my due date. I'm generally cool with that - generally mild contractions; the big ones don't stick around too long. I'm up more, so we're back to swollen ankles. But, again no big deal. Now that I'm not taking medication or convinced that I will give birth at any second, I'm getting bored and I feel bad about it. I feel like I should be using this time wisely, but can't really figure out what that means. The only thing I really want to do is cook. But that's resulting in constant eating -- which while not totally bad, doesn't seem like a great idea.
We have the baby stuff mostly done (the jinx factor just won't let me do any more). I'm wishing I were back at work so that the days would go by more quickly. The comments on how I should be stocking up on sleep aren't incredibly helpful. I want to cherish this time, but I think that's just not a possibility right now.
I was thinking earlier that, assuming that all goes well, this will be the last time that I'm childless - the last time that my immediate family will be limited to D and me. That just seems wild. I realize that I never really got the fact that several of my good girl friends have kids. I guess to some degree when I was single, I never really got the fact that several of my good girl friends were married. Largely, my interactions with them didn't change. Making the shift from single to married varied among my friends. Those who were destined to fall off the face of the earth to be with their husbands (or where ever they went), typically did it pretty early in their dating relationship. Everyone else stayed the same. I just got another friend out of the deal. Of those remaining that have children, it's pretty much worked the same way. (Most of my friends have very fun kids, whom I don't see that often.) It's a bit harder to plan to get together. Some parties involve children. I'm aware that they have their "mommie" friends and do different things with their days. But, I never felt excluded or on the outside to be one of the ones without a spouse or child.
I wonder if things will be different when I have a child. Where will my mommie friends fit in? Will I be closer to my friends with kids than to those without?
This has felt like such a marathon which started just after I turned 36. I turn 39 in a week and a half. While I'm still worried that I'll collapse right before the finish line and won't get to cross, I'm so ready to be there already and to start learning all the things that this new life will bring.
We have the baby stuff mostly done (the jinx factor just won't let me do any more). I'm wishing I were back at work so that the days would go by more quickly. The comments on how I should be stocking up on sleep aren't incredibly helpful. I want to cherish this time, but I think that's just not a possibility right now.
I was thinking earlier that, assuming that all goes well, this will be the last time that I'm childless - the last time that my immediate family will be limited to D and me. That just seems wild. I realize that I never really got the fact that several of my good girl friends have kids. I guess to some degree when I was single, I never really got the fact that several of my good girl friends were married. Largely, my interactions with them didn't change. Making the shift from single to married varied among my friends. Those who were destined to fall off the face of the earth to be with their husbands (or where ever they went), typically did it pretty early in their dating relationship. Everyone else stayed the same. I just got another friend out of the deal. Of those remaining that have children, it's pretty much worked the same way. (Most of my friends have very fun kids, whom I don't see that often.) It's a bit harder to plan to get together. Some parties involve children. I'm aware that they have their "mommie" friends and do different things with their days. But, I never felt excluded or on the outside to be one of the ones without a spouse or child.
I wonder if things will be different when I have a child. Where will my mommie friends fit in? Will I be closer to my friends with kids than to those without?
This has felt like such a marathon which started just after I turned 36. I turn 39 in a week and a half. While I'm still worried that I'll collapse right before the finish line and won't get to cross, I'm so ready to be there already and to start learning all the things that this new life will bring.
