Sunday, October 23, 2005
Oh My Aching . . .
After a great day and doctor's visit on Friday (no contractions!) and a great morning Saturday, things went downhill. I seriously felt better than I had in weeks on Saturday morning. But, then the revenge kicked in. Still, not as many contractions as I've had, but more a general unpleasant feeling. S's baptism was beautiful this morning, but now I'm in bed with no desire to get up.
I emailed work on Friday saying that I would call on Monday to discuss my work. Team leader and our boss are both out of the office, so it will be pushed back to Tuesday. I'm surprised by the mixture of feelings I'm having over not pulling my weight at work. I guess I shouldn't be so surprised - when the other team members were billing so many more hours than me, I mostly wasn't concerned, but there was a bit of me that thought I was slacking. Last week I was close to worthless, which wasn't so bad because I told myself that it was short term. Now that things have gotten better, then not so better, I'm not sure how this will work.
Any kind of limbo just sucks. If I knew I couldn't work, I think I'd be fine. If I knew I could work; again fine. But this middle ground of not knowing - I'd prefer not to be here. I want to do what is reasonable, but there's the scary possibility (not sure how big it actually is) that if I overdo things, it will increase the chances of little girl coming out too soon. I just feel nervous and emotional today and wish I could fast-forward time to late January or better yet, late February after the successful arrival of healthy baby girl.
I emailed work on Friday saying that I would call on Monday to discuss my work. Team leader and our boss are both out of the office, so it will be pushed back to Tuesday. I'm surprised by the mixture of feelings I'm having over not pulling my weight at work. I guess I shouldn't be so surprised - when the other team members were billing so many more hours than me, I mostly wasn't concerned, but there was a bit of me that thought I was slacking. Last week I was close to worthless, which wasn't so bad because I told myself that it was short term. Now that things have gotten better, then not so better, I'm not sure how this will work.
Any kind of limbo just sucks. If I knew I couldn't work, I think I'd be fine. If I knew I could work; again fine. But this middle ground of not knowing - I'd prefer not to be here. I want to do what is reasonable, but there's the scary possibility (not sure how big it actually is) that if I overdo things, it will increase the chances of little girl coming out too soon. I just feel nervous and emotional today and wish I could fast-forward time to late January or better yet, late February after the successful arrival of healthy baby girl.
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Sorry to hear that you are still having some ups and downs (and contractions).
After a couple of scares in the last two weeks I have made a conscious decision to slow it down as much as I can. Like you, I don't know whether the pace of working so much actually makes a difference or not, but I've decided it's too much to risk.
Take it easy and feel better.
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After a couple of scares in the last two weeks I have made a conscious decision to slow it down as much as I can. Like you, I don't know whether the pace of working so much actually makes a difference or not, but I've decided it's too much to risk.
Take it easy and feel better.
# posted by 
: 4:15 PM
: 4:15 PM << Home
