Wednesday, October 26, 2005
I'm Fine - ish
I'm still mostly resting while trying to get some work done from home - and sinking into a pit of depression. I've never gotten the contractions back like they were for the first several days. Whenever things get really tight or uncomfortable, I lay down (which is where I am most of the day anyway). HR at work contacted me yesterday via email and I received their letter today. I'm over my vacation hours, so won't receive a full paycheck this pay period. While this is totally understandable, for some reason it really felt like a blow. Oh, and they're putting me on FMLA. I can apply for short term disability once I've been off work for 2 weeks.
My problem seems to be wanting to meet my work "commitments" (this is totally coming from me - work isn't pushing in the least), not being able to, and feeling unworthy, lost and useless. I've been doing some (pretty limited) work each day. But, I don't know if this is helping (me or work). I think it comes down to feeling like I should know the perfect level of activity I can do without causing any problems with the pregnancy; feeling like I should be doing more, while worrying that if I do more, it might cause unnecessary problems. Overall, its the pregnancy that matters. But, knowing that still isn't resolving the feelings I'm having.
My problem seems to be wanting to meet my work "commitments" (this is totally coming from me - work isn't pushing in the least), not being able to, and feeling unworthy, lost and useless. I've been doing some (pretty limited) work each day. But, I don't know if this is helping (me or work). I think it comes down to feeling like I should know the perfect level of activity I can do without causing any problems with the pregnancy; feeling like I should be doing more, while worrying that if I do more, it might cause unnecessary problems. Overall, its the pregnancy that matters. But, knowing that still isn't resolving the feelings I'm having.
