Sunday, October 09, 2005
Better
Thanks to sleep and the internet, I'm not so worried these days (meaning I'm still worried, but it's not the overwhelming factor of the day).
My best friend got pregnant in the short time between my second and third miscarriages. She delivered the week of my fourth miscarriage. I did not enjoy her pregnancy. I tried to be supportive. I co-hosted her baby shower. But, boy, I was just torn up inside.
Now that things are going well for us, I wish I had been able to experience it with her. When something weird or cool happens, I always seem to think, "I dont' remember L talking about this." But, then she wouldn't have or if she did, I likely blocked it out.
Even after her beautiful baby girl was born, I was in the pit of depression. We were both off from work, so spent a lot of time together. At that point, she had a lot of stories - mostly about sleep or the lack thereof. But, by then, I could at least smile and nod.
In a few weeks, beautiful S will be baptized and we're going to be her godparents. (Before saying yes, L and I re-discussed my issues with faith and we're good to go.) I'm excited for them to have such a wonderful girl and so glad that I get to be a part of it (and glad that I will enjoy it). I'm working on the remaining part of me that holds onto the sadness and loss that children still remind me of.
My best friend got pregnant in the short time between my second and third miscarriages. She delivered the week of my fourth miscarriage. I did not enjoy her pregnancy. I tried to be supportive. I co-hosted her baby shower. But, boy, I was just torn up inside.
Now that things are going well for us, I wish I had been able to experience it with her. When something weird or cool happens, I always seem to think, "I dont' remember L talking about this." But, then she wouldn't have or if she did, I likely blocked it out.
Even after her beautiful baby girl was born, I was in the pit of depression. We were both off from work, so spent a lot of time together. At that point, she had a lot of stories - mostly about sleep or the lack thereof. But, by then, I could at least smile and nod.
In a few weeks, beautiful S will be baptized and we're going to be her godparents. (Before saying yes, L and I re-discussed my issues with faith and we're good to go.) I'm excited for them to have such a wonderful girl and so glad that I get to be a part of it (and glad that I will enjoy it). I'm working on the remaining part of me that holds onto the sadness and loss that children still remind me of.
