Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Where work gets better
As of today, work is better. Many things resolved yesterday, meaning, hopefully only reasonably deadlines until early next year - hooray! Of course, in all the craziness of the past few months, organization went into the toilet. I spent the day angry and annoyed at the condition of things (what happened to all the systems I put in place before I left in March?), but now's our time to get everything straightened up. (Then if they want to mess it up after I leave, that's their issue.)
Through the stress of the last few weeks, I think we all cursed all the other team members. (On Monday, I was wondering if there was going to be a team by the end of the day.) I think we've survived mostly intact and may actually still get part of a person that we've been wanting.
As I've said before, it has been wonderful not being the person on the line. My 10 hours days have been chicken feed compared to what she's been doing, not to mention the crazy stress of trying to please an unpleasable client and a very demanding boss. For the moment, the client and the boss are -- satisfied-ish -- and we're moving on.
It has been amazing what the time off work has done with my perspective. I actually think I'm doing a better job because I'm not so worried about doing a bad job. For some reason, I think I had myself convinced that the client was one decision away from firing us based on my performance or my job was always in the balance. In hind-sight (with the exception of the unpleasable client who I can't figure out), that was never the case. My therapist has said for years that a job is about fit. But, although I heard her, it just didn't quite hit home.
Now, the fear of failure is just not there anymore. On black Monday, rather than fear was the thought that boy, they'd be screwed if I walked out right now. It's just a different perspective that I didn't have before. It sounds a bit strange to say, but I guess I really did define myself by my job and senior status. Giving it up and returning in a lower position gave me the tweak I needed - to see that it just doesn't matter and that, while a good salary is nice, it's nothing compared to peace of mind.
Through the stress of the last few weeks, I think we all cursed all the other team members. (On Monday, I was wondering if there was going to be a team by the end of the day.) I think we've survived mostly intact and may actually still get part of a person that we've been wanting.
As I've said before, it has been wonderful not being the person on the line. My 10 hours days have been chicken feed compared to what she's been doing, not to mention the crazy stress of trying to please an unpleasable client and a very demanding boss. For the moment, the client and the boss are -- satisfied-ish -- and we're moving on.
It has been amazing what the time off work has done with my perspective. I actually think I'm doing a better job because I'm not so worried about doing a bad job. For some reason, I think I had myself convinced that the client was one decision away from firing us based on my performance or my job was always in the balance. In hind-sight (with the exception of the unpleasable client who I can't figure out), that was never the case. My therapist has said for years that a job is about fit. But, although I heard her, it just didn't quite hit home.
Now, the fear of failure is just not there anymore. On black Monday, rather than fear was the thought that boy, they'd be screwed if I walked out right now. It's just a different perspective that I didn't have before. It sounds a bit strange to say, but I guess I really did define myself by my job and senior status. Giving it up and returning in a lower position gave me the tweak I needed - to see that it just doesn't matter and that, while a good salary is nice, it's nothing compared to peace of mind.
