The Middle Chapters

I've been thinking about lots of things to post recently, but just haven't sat down to do it. I just reserved tickets to fly across the country to visit my husband's family for Thanksgiving. Typically we visit for Christmas, but this year we're hoping to be too far along to be comfortable about traveling. It's very strange to make plans like this - not the visiting family part, but the changing plans over what may then exist. I was more than willing to do this during the first pregnancy and even after the first miscarriage. The next three miscarriages taught us that plans were meant to be broken and planning too far ahead was just silly.

After getting the good ultrasound results last week, I made my husband call his mother and share them with her. He told me that he called her on the way home from work late last week. I asked if she was excited and he gave me a non-answer. When pressed, he said that he thought his mom was taking her lead from him. This gave me pause then and has continued to do so. He's always been my rock. He was always the one that was sure that this would all work out. It feels strange to realize that he may have had some doubts and may continue to have doubts. On one hand, I love and appreciate the fact that he's never expressed any doubts to me. There have been so many times that I've depended on his undying confidence (even when I knew it had no actual affect on reality), but part of me also felt that he was unrealistic and in a dream world. It also seems strange that now that things are going the best that they've even gone, he has some qualms.

I love him. I'm so hopeful that we get to keep this one. I periodically flash back to past moments when everything went from being perfectly fine to perfectly horrible, but I'm trying not to.

Maybe tomorrow I can actually confirm the reservations I made for the Thanksgiving trip.