Saturday, August 13, 2005
And Now What
Earlier this week I wrote an entire entry about work and mostly how I was enjoying things. Blogger ate it. Now that I've gotten through week two of work, I'm still happy with the fact that I've gone back, but - argh - Friday was hard. As the the previous Friday. I think the tiredness from the rest of the week catches up to me by then and all I want to do is go home. I'm not sleeping well these days and can't seem to catch up on the missing sleep. Some of it is physical discomfort. I don't know what the rest is.
Another part of my eaten entry was about the heavy work load. Its heavy. But, by not being in charge, not too stressful so far. The next two months will be interesting. If we could just get to October - okay late October - things will be calmer.
Finally, I'm getting - thick. It's not really pregnant looking or even fat so much as just odd shaped in a way that my lower half isn't fitting into anything, including my fat pants or underwear. Thanks to a wonderful friend who is cleaning out her house in preparation for a remodel starting next week, I got four bins of maternity clothes today. I'm trying just to think of them as bigger clothes. Clothes that don't pinch and make me very unhappy by the end of the day.
I still haven't given in and gotten a doppler. I keep telling myself that millions of women make it through their entire pregnancy without getting a chance to look inside and see how things are cooking and that I should be able to wait until my next doctor's visit in two weeks. It's mostly working. (The missed miscarriages are still hanging over my head but I'm trying to ignore them.) If I can make it the full four weeks this month, I think next month will be easier. (I do have a friend who is an ultrasound tech. If I get a chance to visit her at work and slip in for a quick ultrasound, it doesn't count as cheating.)
The early weeks of pregnancy are so full of stuff - betas, lots of ultrasounds (for me), and progesterone taking. This next part is just strange. Nothing to do or see. Simply a time to hold on to hope and wait and see what happens next.
Another part of my eaten entry was about the heavy work load. Its heavy. But, by not being in charge, not too stressful so far. The next two months will be interesting. If we could just get to October - okay late October - things will be calmer.
Finally, I'm getting - thick. It's not really pregnant looking or even fat so much as just odd shaped in a way that my lower half isn't fitting into anything, including my fat pants or underwear. Thanks to a wonderful friend who is cleaning out her house in preparation for a remodel starting next week, I got four bins of maternity clothes today. I'm trying just to think of them as bigger clothes. Clothes that don't pinch and make me very unhappy by the end of the day.
I still haven't given in and gotten a doppler. I keep telling myself that millions of women make it through their entire pregnancy without getting a chance to look inside and see how things are cooking and that I should be able to wait until my next doctor's visit in two weeks. It's mostly working. (The missed miscarriages are still hanging over my head but I'm trying to ignore them.) If I can make it the full four weeks this month, I think next month will be easier. (I do have a friend who is an ultrasound tech. If I get a chance to visit her at work and slip in for a quick ultrasound, it doesn't count as cheating.)
The early weeks of pregnancy are so full of stuff - betas, lots of ultrasounds (for me), and progesterone taking. This next part is just strange. Nothing to do or see. Simply a time to hold on to hope and wait and see what happens next.
