The Middle Chapters

It took about 13 months of trying to get pregnant the second time. While it didn't last long, there was a point that I remember distinctly, when I felt this certain feeling. Part of it was the success of getting pregnant after trying for so long. Part was pride in being able to do what so many women do so easily. It was a great feeling. One I haven't had since.

While it's true that a vast majority of pregnancies are uneventful, I've been one of the unlucky ones where that hasn't been true. I remember speaking with a group of girlfriends after my second miscarriage, and one woman who had a six month old commented that she felt bad that she hadn't even thought to worry during her pregnancy. She didn't need to worry and it was great that she didn't. I'd say ignorance is bliss, but it's not ignorance. It's something else -- luck of the draw?

I can't imagine feeling comfortable in this pregnancy. I hope there comes a point where I have that confidence in my body and that pride of ownership that I had so briefly about a year ago. For now, I'll live week to week (a topic that I thought I'd posted on earlier this week, but it looks like Blogger ate it) and try to hope for the best.