Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Living from week to week
Typically I'm a planner. There are a million deadlines at work and another million social things I want to do. I typically spent at least half my time managing the future. That's not the case during pregnancy, especially now that I'm not working. Instead, I live by weeks starting and ending with an ultrasound. These happen on Friday.
I still plan the future - this week was Monday night dinner with girlfriends, Tuesday a pre-wedding party for friends, Thursday is accupuncture and Friday is ultrasound. That's as far as I can get. I keep being surprised when people ask what I'm doing for the weekend. I have no idea -- it's after Friday, the day that ends the week. I'm not willing to make plans after Friday in case it's bad news.
Sundays are bad days. I had two of my four miscarriages on Sundays. Logically, I know that there is nothing to make Sunday a bad day, but it being so far from the following Friday doesn't help.
I'm hoping that if things continue to go well, this cycle will be broken. I imagine that there will be a point that they won't give me weekly ultrasounds. And I am going back to work.
I still plan the future - this week was Monday night dinner with girlfriends, Tuesday a pre-wedding party for friends, Thursday is accupuncture and Friday is ultrasound. That's as far as I can get. I keep being surprised when people ask what I'm doing for the weekend. I have no idea -- it's after Friday, the day that ends the week. I'm not willing to make plans after Friday in case it's bad news.
Sundays are bad days. I had two of my four miscarriages on Sundays. Logically, I know that there is nothing to make Sunday a bad day, but it being so far from the following Friday doesn't help.
I'm hoping that if things continue to go well, this cycle will be broken. I imagine that there will be a point that they won't give me weekly ultrasounds. And I am going back to work.
