Monday, July 11, 2005
Fathers
I've been thinking a lot about fathers lately. I've always thought alot about mine - when I was younger with fear and admiration (geeze, he's scary, but he certainly gets things done), then just with fear (nothing was even right and his retribution was harsh), and finally anger with some fear thrown in (how dare he have terrorized our household during my childhood and continue to throw me into a periodic panic).
Having spoken to a lot of friends about fathers, it seems to be a rarity that anyone actually had a close and loving relationship with their father when they were children; although, some have grown into good relationships as adults. My new thought is that this may be generational. Here's my theory: Fathers having children up until the early 1970s were raised to marry early, start a family and be the breadwinners. They didn't attend births or diaper their babies. They were out earning a living and mowing the lawn. They were young and scared with a family to support. He who yells loudest gets his way.
The 1960s and 70s brought a change to many areas of social thought - women's rights and child abuse to name two, but people were largely still responding to their upbringing rather than their surroundings. Or their surroundings were viewed as stupid, hippie, or new age-y. (Except the ones that actually became hippie or new age-y.)
Men born in the 1960s and early 1970s, are different from their fathers. Likely, they didn't build families as early as their fathers. They've likely had a job or two and perhaps a career or two. They grew up in a media-driven society where TV may have had more impact on their ideas of a father's role than their fathers. They moved away from home and lived on their own. Their choices of brides wasn't limited to who lived in their town or the next one over.
Unlike many women who have had difficulty building their families, I never questioned whether I wanted children or why I wanted them. I've never given much thought to what kind of parent I'll be (other than my parents' examples of what I won't do) and what kind of father my husband will be.
The one thing I know and gives me comfort on this long road that hopefully will lead to a child is that our house will be one of love and comfort. My wonderful husband D has no interest in running a household with fear and I have no interest in being dominated by an overbearing husband and cowering with my children. There will be ups and downs, of course, but there will always be love.
Having spoken to a lot of friends about fathers, it seems to be a rarity that anyone actually had a close and loving relationship with their father when they were children; although, some have grown into good relationships as adults. My new thought is that this may be generational. Here's my theory: Fathers having children up until the early 1970s were raised to marry early, start a family and be the breadwinners. They didn't attend births or diaper their babies. They were out earning a living and mowing the lawn. They were young and scared with a family to support. He who yells loudest gets his way.
The 1960s and 70s brought a change to many areas of social thought - women's rights and child abuse to name two, but people were largely still responding to their upbringing rather than their surroundings. Or their surroundings were viewed as stupid, hippie, or new age-y. (Except the ones that actually became hippie or new age-y.)
Men born in the 1960s and early 1970s, are different from their fathers. Likely, they didn't build families as early as their fathers. They've likely had a job or two and perhaps a career or two. They grew up in a media-driven society where TV may have had more impact on their ideas of a father's role than their fathers. They moved away from home and lived on their own. Their choices of brides wasn't limited to who lived in their town or the next one over.
Unlike many women who have had difficulty building their families, I never questioned whether I wanted children or why I wanted them. I've never given much thought to what kind of parent I'll be (other than my parents' examples of what I won't do) and what kind of father my husband will be.
The one thing I know and gives me comfort on this long road that hopefully will lead to a child is that our house will be one of love and comfort. My wonderful husband D has no interest in running a household with fear and I have no interest in being dominated by an overbearing husband and cowering with my children. There will be ups and downs, of course, but there will always be love.
