Thursday, June 02, 2005
To work or not to work
After my third miscarriage and the start of medicated cycles, I about lost it. Do you know that feeling that you're juggling at least one more ball (or orange or piano) more than you can handle and you're desparately trying not to drop anything? Well, I got and stayed there for several months. Finally, after a close friend took a leave of absence from her job and then a co-worker of mine also took a leave of absence from work, I saw a light. Hey, maybe I could take some time off and try to get a hold of things. Yes, this would cut our income by half. Yes, I had no idea what I would do with my days never having not worked or gone to school.
I came from a "pick-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps" kind of family. It didn't matter whether it was famine or flood, we were supposed to dig in and make things work. (Perhaps this is why we're all competent but unhappy people.) Quitting work outright seemed undoable. But, asking for time off to deal with this recurring problem seemed reasonable -- acceptable even.
My time off started in March -- just in time for my second medicated IUI and my fourth miscarriage. We have savings and my husband has a good job, so we're doing fine financially. I am amazed at how little I can do in a day and be satisfied. I've been in counseling (which started well before this) and to lots of doctors/practitioners. I'm feeling good - a ton less anxiety, stress, and worry.
I'm at CD 30 today. I typically have 31 day cycles, so usually start feeling pregnant around now if I actually am. I don't feel pregnant. I haven't been tempted to use a home pregnancy test. On the slight chance that I am pregnant, I don't want to know yet. On the bigger possibility that I'm not -- I don't want to know that yet either.
I'm planning to return to work in July. I'm more than half way through my time off. This leaves me with one more cycle before I return to start a pregnancy before I return to work. If I don't get pregnant next month, I feel like I have to return to the work. Since I left, my employer has taken over more space and my office has been moved. They also hired someone to help on my work load while I'm gone. (This is the second person hired to help out in less than six months -- it is a big work load.) But, I'm afraid that these changes won't be significant for my stress and anxiety levels. I'm afraid that I'm going right back into a situation that I found unbearable a short while ago.
I don't know any women who aren't staying home with their children who don't work. I recall reading other women's blogs who have decided to stay home while dealing with infertility issues, but I don't recall any discussion about the topic. If anyone has dealt with the issue of whether to work or not under these circumstances, I'd love to hear about it.
I came from a "pick-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps" kind of family. It didn't matter whether it was famine or flood, we were supposed to dig in and make things work. (Perhaps this is why we're all competent but unhappy people.) Quitting work outright seemed undoable. But, asking for time off to deal with this recurring problem seemed reasonable -- acceptable even.
My time off started in March -- just in time for my second medicated IUI and my fourth miscarriage. We have savings and my husband has a good job, so we're doing fine financially. I am amazed at how little I can do in a day and be satisfied. I've been in counseling (which started well before this) and to lots of doctors/practitioners. I'm feeling good - a ton less anxiety, stress, and worry.
I'm at CD 30 today. I typically have 31 day cycles, so usually start feeling pregnant around now if I actually am. I don't feel pregnant. I haven't been tempted to use a home pregnancy test. On the slight chance that I am pregnant, I don't want to know yet. On the bigger possibility that I'm not -- I don't want to know that yet either.
I'm planning to return to work in July. I'm more than half way through my time off. This leaves me with one more cycle before I return to start a pregnancy before I return to work. If I don't get pregnant next month, I feel like I have to return to the work. Since I left, my employer has taken over more space and my office has been moved. They also hired someone to help on my work load while I'm gone. (This is the second person hired to help out in less than six months -- it is a big work load.) But, I'm afraid that these changes won't be significant for my stress and anxiety levels. I'm afraid that I'm going right back into a situation that I found unbearable a short while ago.
I don't know any women who aren't staying home with their children who don't work. I recall reading other women's blogs who have decided to stay home while dealing with infertility issues, but I don't recall any discussion about the topic. If anyone has dealt with the issue of whether to work or not under these circumstances, I'd love to hear about it.
