Monday, May 23, 2005
Dealing with the End
I remember talking with a friend at work and saying that I didn't know what I would do if the third pregnancy failed. But, when it came down to it, there weren't many options -- I went on.
I worked and spent a few months going through tests and was told that I now suffered from unexplained recurrent miscarriage. I felt like such a failure. The unexplained part made it worse. It meant that there was nothing that could be fixed.
It was three month after the third loss, a month or so after the testing, and coming up on my 38th birthday that I felt the worst. My husband still was (and is) confident that everything would work out. I felt lost and alone. I didn't want to drag him down with me, but I felt so sad and separate.
After the testing, we tried two unsucessful medicated cycles. I spoke with the doctors and we decided to move to IUIs. (The hope being that the medication would help with egg quality and lining issues, progesterone would address any undetected luteal phase problems, and the IUI would speed up the getting pregnant again part.) DH didn't understand the need to get so invasive. I broke down and started talking about my sadness and fears. He hadn't known how I felt. Given the strength of my concerns, he agreed and we started IUI.
I worked and spent a few months going through tests and was told that I now suffered from unexplained recurrent miscarriage. I felt like such a failure. The unexplained part made it worse. It meant that there was nothing that could be fixed.
It was three month after the third loss, a month or so after the testing, and coming up on my 38th birthday that I felt the worst. My husband still was (and is) confident that everything would work out. I felt lost and alone. I didn't want to drag him down with me, but I felt so sad and separate.
After the testing, we tried two unsucessful medicated cycles. I spoke with the doctors and we decided to move to IUIs. (The hope being that the medication would help with egg quality and lining issues, progesterone would address any undetected luteal phase problems, and the IUI would speed up the getting pregnant again part.) DH didn't understand the need to get so invasive. I broke down and started talking about my sadness and fears. He hadn't known how I felt. Given the strength of my concerns, he agreed and we started IUI.
